Friday, May 18, 2012

Book Review: The Bad Girl's Guide to the Open Road

A Book You Can Buy From Me

Book Title: The Bad Girl's Guide to the Open Road

Author: Cameron Tuttle

Author's web page: https://www.facebook.com/TheBadGirlsGuides

Date: 1999

Publisher: Chronicle

Length: 192 pages

Illustrations: cartoons by Susannah Bettag

ISBN: 0-8118-2170-6

Quote: "It's time to hit the road when you think Renuzit really smells like fresh air."

For all nice girls and decent women who are starting to feel just a bit like Thelma or Louise, Cameron Tuttle has the answer: Take the road trip, with or without friends, before there's any danger that you'll kill anybody...or want to. And laugh.

With The Bad Girl's Guide to the Open Road, laughter is fairly well guaranteed. This book does contain just a few seriously useful tips about driving, car maintenance, and tourist attractions, though not nearly as many as a serious book on those topics would be required to have.

And some delightfully whimsical suggestions for low-budget road fun: "Don't pack anything [in the way of clothing]...just shop sale racks or thrift stores and drop your disposable clothes along the way."

"Unless you're in the mood for diced iceberg lettuce and a shriveled cherry tomato sprinkled with fossilized Wonder Bread croutons, don't bother ordering a salad...[at] most roadside eateries...your best bet is to find a quality steak house with a salad bar. (But check out the condition of the salad bar before you bother to sit down.) And there's always the produce department at the local grocery store."

"To find fun on the run...Start by asking around. Don't be shy, talk to anyone who will talk to you...What do people here do for a good time?"

These three suggestions, and several others in the Bad Girl's Guide, are seriously endorsed by this web site. The recommended rule for reading Tuttle's suggestions is: Yes, they'll work, but some of them will have consequences that Tuttle expects you to anticipate. Pack a Nerf Ball to amuse children, including your inner child, because it also makes a good pillow? Go for it--the worst possible consequence is that somebody might drool into the Nerf Ball. Take up chewing tobacco just to scare off pests? You know life's too short.

You know better than to drive fast under the influence of anything, including stress, which is why the long and detailed list of pleas made by "road sisters" trying to "talk their way out of a ticket" is so funny...and wouldn't it be a real hoot if traffic police read this book, so the next time some Idiot Girl started one of those routines, you could go into it right along with her and write out the maximum ticket your state law will allow.

If you would like to take a summer road trip, and people can still describe you as a "girl" when they're being serious, this web site also recommends discussing this book with your parents in the most earnest and nerdly tones you can achieve...if, that is, your parents know you've read it. Say things like, "I don't believe even Tuttle or Bettag would actually play 'strip driver' while the car was moving!"

The book comes in a convenient, wallet-sized, wallet-shaped vinyl binding, and here's an extra road trip tip that's not in the book: On a road trip, always wear jeans or skirts that are roomy enough to hold a wallet-sized book like this one, the wallet-sized car manual with the title and insurance document folded inside it, and an actual wallet, all in one pocket, comfortably.

Once again: other online resellers may offer better prices, but if you e-mail $5 for the book and $5 for shipping to salolianigodagewi@yahoo.com, we'll send $1 to Cameron Tuttle.

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