Friday Cat Post: Mudpie Interviews Samantha and Serena

Serena, Junior Queen Cat

Samantha Scaredycat

In other words, I answer a meme posted by Mudpie’s Human (last summer) at www.mochasmysteriesmeows.com/ . Readers should be aware that, in these conversations-with-animals posts, the animals' opinions are often different from mine. I go by their behavior.

Mudpie: When did something start out badly for you, but in the end, it was great?

Samantha: I had four kittens. I was in a hurry and gave birth to them too quickly. Even Serena, the one who lived to grow up, was smaller than a kitten is supposed to be. Well, now she's bigger than a cat her age really ought to be. Things work out in the end.

Serena: I had no litter mates, so I had no one really to play with. Mothers are too busy. I tried to teach the human to play with me. Humans just aren’t good at games. But then I found my foster brother, so my worries have been over. Mom no longer worries that I’m spending all my time trying to communicate with the human rather than learning language properly. My brother is just intelligent enough to follow my lead. 

Mudpie: What weird food combinations do you really enjoy?

Samantha: Kibble on top of a canned cat treat. Kibble mixed in with rice. This morning we had some peppery rice that nobody liked much mixed with some chicken and some kibble. It made that old dry kibble taste a bit fresher and more chickeny, even though I still don't like pepper.

Serena: Do you think pepitas are weird, or do you like them too? We all like pepitas. They're only all right while you're crunching them, but then you feel bouncier afterward. The human says they kill tiny worms that are trying to grow inside us.

Mudpie: What food have you never eaten but would really like to try?

Serena: Ice cream. The humans have had it a few times and not even let me lick the carton. When they let Mom lick the carton, she didn't leave any for me. How can they waste anything that smells that good on a possum?

Samantha: Old Heather used to remember chicken teriyaki sticks. Long ago she said that humans used to go to a Chinese Restaurant and get boxes of chicken cooked with weird vegetables for themselves, and one teriyaki stick for each cat. She said the sticks had more cooked chicken on them than a whole live bird has, even if birds weren't always covered in yucky green spots under their feathers.

Mudpie: What food is delicious but a pain to eat?

Samantha: Birds. Urgh!

Serena: Birds. The parts of them that aren’t turning green taste just fine but even Mom says they always make her sick, just the same. Chicken is obviously in the bird family, but the humans may be onto something, not eating it or sharing it until they've cooked it.

Mudpie: What’s the most expensive thing you’ve ever broken?

Samantha: The human's skin...that always costs me a lot of yelling and scolding that makes me want to be locked in my Safe Place. I only tell her to put me down, let me go, leave my claws alone, etc., and the next thing I know she's shouting "Bad!" and locking me inside.

Serena: I don’t break things. I push them down, pull them down, claw at them, and slide on them. I'm not allowed to be around things that might break. It's not fair. I was born in the human's office room but I'm not allowed to be in it any more unless I'm sitting on her knee.

Mudpie: What would a world populated by clones of you be like?

Serena: It would be full of excitement! Everyone would always be up for a good fast game! Humans would give up trying to use vertical space to store things. Dogs and raccoons would go extinct. Cats would stop indulging humans in the fantasy that they’re our mothers—as if!—and train them to be good servants.

Samantha: Did the human just say “All the cats would be calico divas who couldn’t stand each other”? No way. My clones would worship me! All the Torties would stay home and beautify their own porches, so there'd be no trouble with them, and all the Toms would stay nearby and protect their Torties. Well, at least they'd be bigger and be stuck outside the cat doors if the Torties wanted to run inside...

Mudpie: What smartphone feature would you actually be excited for a company to implement?

Samantha: A cat phone. This would work on humans who set out breakfast for their cats and ran. The cats would go and scratch something to activate the phone, and it would say, "You left your cat alone at home. Go back and protect your cat!" The hours I used to spend huddled under things, knowing that old Heather and her spoiled son wouldn't protect me in case of danger--and then, knowing that I didn't even have them to hide behind--! Even indoors is a frightening place for a small timid kitten!

Serena: Nothing electronic works at the Cat Sanctuary very often. A radio might pick up WGAT, two miles away, but nothing further. Sometimes my human’s phone will ring. Usually she ignores it but once in a while she’ll pick it up just to scream “Can’t hear you.” When the other person gives up she’ll sigh and say “Back to reality.” That means us cats! So, maybe there could be a “Back to reality” feature that shuts down all electronics on weekends. All humans should be free to putter around their homes and gardens and adore their cats. Ours definitely enjoys weekends.

Mudpie: What’s something people don’t worry about but really should?

Samantha: Leaving their cats alone, or alone with people who don’t appreciate cats, when they go into town and use phones and televisions and the Internet and that sort of thing. Outdoors, we’re vulnerable to predators. Indoors, we’re bored. Humans should stay at home with their cats all day.

Serena: We need the mental stimulation of rearranging things all over the house and yard, and they need the exercise of picking up things we push down. It’s a total win-win. Mom says the human used to leave her alone all day, before I was born, and she felt afraid and alone. Everyone left me alone a few times, when I was little and they thought I was asleep, and I'd wake up and feel afraid and alone and also cold! Mostly my brother and I stay close to home and protect Mom, now that we're bigger than she is, but we are only cats. We can't just loom up over a dog and shout "Go home!" the way humans do. Deer are basically giant mice waiting to be killed and eaten, but their feet are hard and sharp and they attract the bad kind of humans. Humans love a playful, bouncy-pouncy kitten. All the humans I've seen wanted to play with me, but they can't. They should stay home and play with their own kittens more. 

Mudpie: What was cool when you were young but isn’t cool now?

Samantha: Milk.

Serena: I really try not to hurt my human. I mean I grab her and chew on her, but only for fun, not to hurt her. I've learned to stay away from some humans who just don't understand games. My human says I'm too rough and tough for my own good and she worries about me, but give me credit, right? I do learn! 

Mudpie: If magic was real, what spell would you try to learn first?

Samantha: A spell to make predators and traffic disappear!

Serena: A spell to bring toys to life and make them really interesting.

Mudpie: What goal do you think humanity is not focused enough on achieving?

Serena: Wealth. If my human were rich she could stay home and supervise me outdoors all day, every day.

Samantha: Purring. The humans say I don't purr much, but they don't purr at all. They say they don't have proper purr-boxes. I don't see them trying very hard to develop whatever they do have.

Mudpie: If you were a ghost and could possess people, what would you make them do?

Samantha: Stay home--

Serena: --and play with their cats all day.

Mudpie: What game have you spent the most hours playing?

Samantha: When there weren't other cats I spent a lot of time hiding from predators--and when there are, I spend a lot of time keeping out of their way! Everybody's bigger than me...except mice.

Serena: Hunting! I also like chasing, racing, and sometimes fighting. 

Mudpie: What’s the most comfortable bed/chair you’ve ever been in?

Samantha: I suppose every cat remembers the nest of her kittenhood, back when her mother used to feed her, and all she had to do was get into the warm spot, which is easy when you're the smallest, and snuggle.

Serena: Well, sorry, Mom, but you weren’t all that cozy and neither was our nest box, especially after you’d been sick on the blanket and we just had to lie on the floor. The human’s laundry table would be perfect if she didn’t keep taking the laundry off to wash it. The woodbin is nice and airy in summer, if the possum didn't want to sleep in it too. My search for the perfect spot continues.