So Nuts to You!

This song is dedicated to busybodies (e.g. Mayor Michael Bloomberg) who are currently saturating the U.S. media with nags about what they think we should and should not eat. I think information about the contents and effects of food products definitely needs to be available...in fact, some of that information is being deliberately suppressed when it should be required by law to appear on labels! However, the idea of media messages presuming to tell everybody how to gain or lose weight, when the mass media don't even know which of those things any individual may need to do, is just plain silly.

The tune here is a sort of reprise to the tune of a commercial jingle many U.S. readers will remember.

So nuts to you,
For telling me that I should skip the nuts and eat the cheese!
You never knew
That cheese won’t stay down even long enough for calories
To get into
This body that, in any case, is holding up better than yours,
’Cos I’m not you!
When you just CLOSE YOUR MOUTH, you’ve said it all!

This Coke’s for you,
Because you’re telling me that I don’t need the empty calories;
For all you do,
The way you try to undermine my sense of what is good for me—
This Coke’s for you!
And if I’d rather shake it till it foams up in your face than drink it...
This Coke’s for you;
When you just CLOSE YOUR MOUTH, you’ve said it all!

This meat’s for you,
Because you’re telling me the fat in it will clog my arteries;
That might be true,
If I eat too much meat and don’t balance it with exercise,
And fibre, too,
And all the vitamins and minerals and variables
You never knew—
When you just CLOSE YOUR MOUTH, you’ve said it all!

These chips, for you!
Because you just said that salt swells up the legs below the knees,
Which it may do,
But what about the way your nagging other people swells your head?
And how would you
Know how much salt from other sources I consumed today?
And some dip, too!
When you just CLOSE YOUR MOUTH, you’ve said it all!

Ice cream’s for you,
Because you’re telling me to eat the low-fat version made with flour,
Which I can’t do,
Because the flour does me more harm than saturated fat
Could ever do,
And how much damage wholesome wholemeal bread has done to me,
You have no clue!
When you just CLOSE YOUR MOUTH, you’ve said it all!

(Pecan candy image by Earl53 at Morguefile.com.)