Conversation with a Virus

Writers think in words. If I verbalize the nonverbal communication I have with the cats, why not the nonverbal communication between my antibodies and a virus over the weekend? Why not a Deeply Silly Poem? I did not actually write this poem during a fever dream. The dreams I had while sweating out the head cold were even more inane.

"Halt! Whence come you

and whither are you bound?" 

"My name is Rhinovirus

and I'm only just testing 

the human immune system.

Just doing my job."

"Not good enough, Virus.

You are in the way here.

For the second time:

where did you come from?"

"Ouch! Please...I came from

some stupid women in a store

swarming up close to each other,

crossing your personal space.

I got lost, actually.

I was aiming for one of them.

I really was. 

I can only float, not fly.

I made it this far

before you rushed away

and thought I might as well try...

and these are my 4257 babies."

"Not good enough, Virus. 

You are not wanted here."

"Oh! Mercy...I know.

Nobody likes a virus

nobody wants a cold

nobody has a Rhinovirus for a friend.

But you need to know

when your defenses are

slipping down below par."

"Not good enough, Virus.

Your mission is accomplished

and you are going to die."

"Ayyy! I beg...It's always

a suicide mission for us isn't it?

Could I interest you in making

one little trip into town, 

one grocery run, one library visit,

one little call on an old friend?"

"Forget about it, Virus.

Before you die, have you

anything to leave behind?"

"Yes! Yes! Like a nightmare

I have to leave a gift behind

because you remembered to ask me.

Here! Take back 

the use of your left ear

along with the usual energy surge,

because you resisted my urging

to pass me on to 

some other body." 

"Whoa! What is this that now I hear,

A full range of sound through that half-blocked ear.

You have been good virus,

as virus go, just doing your job

so now I'll kill you quickly.

What a loud, loud, loud, loud world it is."

" "

"Being Highly Sensory-Perceptive,

I've got by pretty well with the hearing loss

on one side, even though it's the one

next to the driver when I'm in a car.

I've known it's the kind of partial deafness

that can be cured, but not really tried

because I always used to hear too much.

Pop...crackle...crunch...

Little stapedius muscle no one ever sees

or touches, can you readjust your cramp

to let in just a few more sounds, not all of them?

I'm sure you can if you'll try."

" "

"I guess that's the last we'll hear from

any of those silly little virus."

"Hey! Hey! You never caught me!

I'm here, out on this tissue in the trash bag! 

I am Rhinovirus! Hear me roar!

I'll rejoin my numbers too big to ignore

and then, oh then, we'll leave you behind

and find some old, sick, tired body

or maybe a young and stupid one, 

sweet, juicy, and more tired than it knows

from staying out too late, and drunk or stoned

and reckless about what it eats,

and then we'll overrun its bright red blood

and have our bacchanalia in its lungs

until there are enough of us to take

the heart and KILL that wretched son or daughter of..."

"Virus? Meet fire."

"Ayyyyyyyyyyyyyy..."

"Yeeowwww..."

"Woooe..."

" "

" "

" "

Gentle Readers, y'know those people who are vulnerable enough to be dying from coronavirus, the uncommon chest cold? They are even more vulnerable to rhinovirus, the common head cold. Mean little something-or-others, rhinovirus are. Maintain a healthy distance, avoid spreading them, and let them die of frustration. They deserve that.