Another Nashery: Toxic Friends

The topic of "toxic love" was suggested at https://poetsandstorytellersunited.blogspot.com/2022/09/friday-writings-43-toxic-love.html this week. As mentioned, the subtopic of abusive relationships has been pretty well covered, so in honor of the time of year, why not consider emotionally toxic school friends?

 As you are standing in a corridor counting the minutes until the school day ends,

one of these people comes up and says to you "Let's be friends,"

and you say "Why not?" because friendship is supposed to be a good thing

and you would never believe how much baggage it's possible for these people to bring.

So you say your name is Tracy, and then they tell someone else your name is Tony,

and something about the way they say that was an honest mistake exudes an odor of rotten baloney.

But they say they'll call you later tonight, so you go home, and they don't

call until 11:30, and they say they're sorry they lost your phone number and they'll be absolutely sure to call you the next time that band is in town, and somehow you know they won't.

But later in the week they come to your house and they grab your phone saying they think

they can get this app to work on your phone, and it doesn't, and they drop your phone in the sink,

and they say "Phones will dry out if you put them in a bag of rice"

and they tear right into a box of rice, and your father comes in and starts telling them all about how they ought to pay the full price

of your next phone, because if it's up to him

you will not have another phone until the day fish fly and eagles swim.

And your favorite person from last year is taking classes at the same school

but they say "Don't talk to that kid! Don't you know that kind of clothes are totally not cool?"

And they leap onto your bike and pedal away, and you hear a crash, and see where they flipped over

the handlebars and landed in The Grouch's clover,

and your bike has skidded out into the street,

and the traffic cop comes by and hauls in your bike while this friend is yelling at you because a bee stung your friend on the seat.

And before it's even October you are begging for an after-school job

so that you will have a valid reason for not hanging out any more with this slob.

Then you go to the mall with your aunt, and run into them, and they run up with high fives and hugs

and sweetly tell your aunt that they've been worried about you, because you never want to hang out anymore and they've been wondering if that's because you're on drugs. 

Then your aunt says "Why don't you go to the mall with your friends?" so you go with them, just so she won't nag,

and you learn that they're into shoplifting and they stick the stolen goods in your bag.

There is only one happy way this kind of story ever ends,

and that is when you learn that you can have more fun alone than you have with this kind of friends.