Cell Phone Stupidity in California

I'm not sure what to say about today's topic, Gentle Readers. 

Sunday's e-mail brought news of a plan being seriously proposed, in Southern California, to put more cell phone towers right in people's private yards. (The e-mail didn't mention whether all of these people live in private houses, or live in apartment towers, which would be even worse.) 

Earthquakes are going to destroy California some day, but for now, most of the time, most of the earthquakes are only a nuisance. What actually kill Californians and destroy their homes are fires. Every year they have fires that, as the state's become more densely populated, threaten more homes and harm more people. 

Some of those fires start from cell phone towers.

If I were going to put up a cell phone tower in California I'd want it to be surrounded by half a mile of treeless desert in all directions. I'd want fences to keep tumbleweeds out of that desert.

Yet, to enable more of the annoying stupidphone culture everyone hates so much, these people want to put cell phone towers in the places where the burned-out shade tree used to be? In schoolyards, on the baseball fields? 

I don't know what they were thinking. I don't know what they were drinking. I don't know how they propose to fund this, or what alternative funding plans the correspondents mentioned. 

I know that as a taxpayer I do not want my income tax dollars spent to fund anything cell-phone-related, because the cell phone industry has already died of greed and deserves no form of support from anyone.

I know that...as a human being I, personally, am not really affected by the destruction of houses in California, but I have emotional feelings about it. I have a feeling that I'd be less of a human being if I didn't have those feelings. I don't want Californians or their homes to burn. And I don't think Californians do, either, when they're sober. Even if, when they've had a few, they sit around discussing with their neighbors how much nicer some other neighborhood was when it was desert, they have to know that fires spread.

I think Californians would be better off if they limited their use of cell phones to the kinds for which they pay per minute, which teaches them to use cell phones just to meet face to face for the actual conversation. That way they wouldn't need so many fire-hazard cell phone towers, and although increasing population would increase the damage fires do, at least the total number of fires would not increase.

Here are excerpts from the e-mail: 

"

On Jan. 10, the Los Angeles County Board of Supervisors (Board) will vote on changes to Titles 16 and 22 of the L.A. County Code. If the proposed changes pass, wireless facilities will be installed without any prior notice, public hearing or opportunity to appeal — without fire or safety scrutiny and without regard to critical environmental protections. 

We need you to stand up for our allies in L.A. by urging the Board to vote NO on the proposed changes and to safeguard due process rights.

"

"

Tell the L.A. County Board of Supervisors to safeguard due process rights by voting NO to the proposed changes to Titles 16 and 22 of the L.A. County Code. Complete the form below, submit a public comment here (agenda item 59) and call their offices to demand the following protections:

• Safeguard Due Process Rights: The radiation emitted from cell towers is not safe for humans or the environment. Therefore, the placement of antennas is a matter of urgent public interest. Cutting off debate, eliminating public input and ignoring environmental laws (including CEQA) is unjustified...
• Protect Us From Telecom Wildfires: In the last 15 years, there have been four major Southern California wildfires initiated, in whole or in part, by telecommunications equipment. Cell tower fires are electrical fires that firefighters cannot fight until the grid is cut, which can take up to 60 minutes. Cell tower placement close to homes or schools may not allow enough time for escape in the event of a fire. The proposed revisions enable cell towers to be too close to homes, schools and daycare centers.
• Stick to Facts: In case of emergency, should there be a loss of electricity, 911 calls would depend solely upon the macro towers that receive backup power per the California Public Utilities Commission (CPUC) Order. The claim that hundreds of new small cell antennas are required for 911 calls is false and should not be used as an argument for the amendments.

"

The numbers and acronyms above should mean something to Angelenos. They don't mean anything to me. It's not appropriate for me to comment on yourall's county boards' agendas.

It is appropriate for me to say this much:

1. California readers, you have two days to burn up the Internet with this issue. Keep those phone lines jamming. Blitz your officials' e-mail in-boxes with short, polite, link-free, hand-typed e-mails that the robots won't block. Print your messages and stuff them under the door. If you can organize small groups of responsible adults to pack into the meeting hall until someone mutters about fire hazards, when you can politely and reasonably say "Fire hazards! That's what we're here about! We want you to vote out some fire hazards!", do that too

2. All readers, please join my town in shutting down the stupidphones. Let the companies know that, if you continue to carry a cell phone, it needs to have a small screen that displays letters and numbers only, no pictures, no Internet, no fancy apps. If you own a stupidphone, don't drop it on the ground or into water, because it will ooze toxic chemicals. Keep it in a drawer and use it as an emergency flashlight only.

3. If you anticipate using someone else's stupidphone or computer, carry an electronic stylus. Never touch a screen with your hands. It's ugly and unsanitary and it encourages snoops to build spyware that traces people through fingerprint scanning, which is an unwarranted search in violation of people's constitutional rights.