Both of my sisters have been taller and heavier than I am since they were twelve or thirteen years old. The one I knew when she was only eleven, however, had the opportunity to hand down a few outgrown things to me. Among them was a bright pink dress that was more fashionable than flattering to the sister in the early 1980s.
By now, of course, it's not even fashionable. Retro, maybe, but hardly retro-chic. The waist is too high, the skirt is too skimpy, the sleeves have fussy little cuffs meant to turn back right at the elbow, and there's a bit of trimming that was fashionable in the early 1980s because it was unflattering to most women. All early 1980s fashions were inspired by what worked for tall, gaunt Diana Spencer, which was, basically, styles that made her look more like a normal woman, which was to say shorter and fatter. Most women need no help to look shorter and fatter. We didn't in the early 1980s, either, although those of us who were eleven years old at the time can be excused for having to try these things on just to see how unflattering they were. And of course red and bright pink always fade, and by this time this particular pink dress has faded in spots.
So how did this fashion mistake wind up in my wardrobe? I certainly never wore it to work in an office or classroom in Washington; I bought, wore, have kept and have handed down a lot of nicer clothes. But I knit. Sometimes I knit handbags. Knitted handbags last longer if they're lined with woven fabric. Every few years, cycling through my wardrobe, I come to things like this dress. I think, "It's still wearable--intact, comfortable, modest, with nice deep pockets--and I don't need to dress especially well today. Why not get one more wearing out of it. In Gate City I'll undoubtedly meet rich old ladies who will be wearing things older and less flattering even than this dress." So I do, and then while wearing it I think of comedy lines...Lewis Carroll wrote about beach toys:
"Who invented those spades of wood?
Who was it cut them out of the tree?
None, I think, but an idiot could..."
Who was it cut this dress out of some good-quality cotton fabric that could have become a good dress? What were they drinking? Even in 1984 I braced myself mentally for someone to say "Is that your baby sister's sewing class project?" to which the answer, of course, is "No, this is actually an off-the-rack dress she bought; her sewing class project came out much better."
Both of us considered giving this dress to a charity store, in the 1980s, and felt that that would be an uncharitable thing to do. Somebody might have bought it for some unfortunate teenaged daughter who had nothing better to wear, and she might have died of embarrassment...
Nevertheless.
On behalf of all the women out there who've been told that they need to "look their best" on all occasions, here is a thought the sisters and I have found liberating...
Sometimes you don't want to be the best-looking, best-dressed person in the crowd.
Right. Pause for the cognitive dissonance to subside. Yes, we understand that on a college campus, or at gatherings of young office personnel in Washington, or in any part of Hollywood, being the best-looking person in the crowd is extremely unlikely to be a problem. That has never been a problem for us either.
Now consider: Winter holidays. Family gatherings. Little hometown churches. Christmas concerts at hospitals. Same-sex relatives who've heard other relatives tagged as the smart one, the musical one, the tough one, etc., etc., and they're the good-looking one--and as you all tend regularly to be mistaken for one another they don't feel terribly confident about that; they're young, for pity's sake. Yes, there are quite a few situations when any ordinary 25-year-old can be the best-looking person in the crowd, and may not want to be. Then after age 30 there are situations where you may or may not be the best preserved person in a group of people your age, and may or may not want that to be noticed, too.
As a social strategy, wearing styles or colors that are not your best look can backfire, but there are times when it can be disarming. Someone who has no choice about being older, no immediate alternative to being fatter, etc., may still feel insecure enough to feel a need to give you friendly advice (which may not be new to you) about how much shorter and fatter you look in, e.g., a 1980s-fashion skirt that creeps up over your knees when you sit down. In an office where you're hired to be the visual attraction, which is the main reason why people in their twenties are hired by people who don't owe their parents money, this advice must be heeded. In a hometown church, not heeding it just might help this insecure person to resent you a little less.
Yes, you always want to "look your best" in the sense of looking your healthiest...but sometimes it's actually useful to dress down.
Yes, it's possible to dress down too far...I think Rosie was right to pass by the facial graffiti.
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