This post contains shameless tongue-in-cheek bragging, so let's start with a confession of something I probably ought to change. Since the COVID mess I've become very lax about going to the post office. The electric company sent me an extra piece of mail, apparently, in August. I picked it up in October and, having opened and paid the bills, let other things pile up around it and only read it today.
Apparently in August the company sent people a "Home Energy Report" showing "How you compare to others" in terms of kilowatt-hours of electricity people use per month.
Apparently the average house the size of mine uses about 827 kwh per month.
The 20% of houses in the same size range that were the most energy-efficient averaged 312 kwh per month.
I used just 92 kwh that month. Well, that was the month before the POG was replaced by the Unsatisfactory Toshiba.
Mother and I used to be just a tiny bit competitive about how low we could get the bills. I don't use a lot of electricity; even the toilet and water heater work, not at their peak but adequately, on solar power alone in summer so that's how they generally do work. Mother was conscientious about not leaving computers or stereos plugged in, but she used electric blenders and suchlike. I'd show her a bill and say, "How do you like that?" and she'd say, "Meh...you were working in town most of the days, weren't you?" I felt a great urge to show this little printout to Mother. I was not working in town. I was at home almost all day, almost every day. I was using the Lasko Fan to cool the desktop computer and me, and one electric light, and that's it, that's all!
Of course my energy efficiency rating went down in the next month when I started running the Unsatisfactory Toshiba, and it's due to go down further whenever the weather turns cold.
Nevertheless. 92 goes into 827 9 times. How Green is that?!
Here's the hilarious part. Those "Home Energy Reports" came with "tips for you."
Any time a machine offers anything "for you," prepare to chortle.
The company's recommendation to me was "Choose an efficient television...save up to $10 per year."
I last plugged in a television set in 1989.
Right. Serious tips for getting a seriously Green Home Energy Report:
1. Install things that use electricity as a source of heat right in the way of the afternoon sunshine. Let that sun shine in on them. If more than two people are using the toilet and water heater you will want to plug them in, but they'll need much less electricity to maintain the same temperature. If only one or two people are using them, go solar-only--the heat will be lower, warm baths less warm and the toilet slower, but you still have warm water and heat-dried, sanitized biomass.
2. Television is a great distraction for people who have to spend a lot of time lying around healing from something. If you are not in that category, donate your television set to someone who is. Life's too short.
3. Instead of watching television, listening to the radio, etc., learn to sing and play your own music on acoustic instruments. Nobody starts out perfect. Some superstar musicians have released recordings in which they sounded as bad as your family probably do. June Carter Cash used to be known for singing off key. Joni Mitchell got the giggles during her first recording of her best known song. I don't even want to talk about Celine Dion, because I suspect somebody told her to mangle those melodies on purpose, as a trademark. I also suspect James Brown was considered more of a dancer than a singer. I don't know how anybody ever could stand to listen to Louis Armstrong's voice--they must have hoped that if they were polite about it, considering that he seemed to be in so much pain, he'd stop trying to sing and just play an instrument again. So there are five very famous professional musicians than whom you probably sound better. So you can do your own music.
4. Instead of trying to exchange texts with a lot of different people and getting them mixed up and creating drama, actually pick a friend, or small group of friends, and go out and do something in the real world. Walk in the park. Play a real game instead of watching other people play. Volunteer at an urban mission. Use all the money you're saving on your electric bill to go shopping. Sing.
5. In summer the only real reason to cook is to can surplus produce for winter. In winter you can do most cooking over whatever you use for heat. A wood stove is great, but it's not the only heating device that can also be used for cooking. In winter my office is heated by electric room heaters. The 200-watt models will do a surprising amount to keep one room livable. To cook rice, beans, scrambled eggs or even cornbread for one, I suspend a saucepan above a candle in front of an electric heater--the 1000-watt one alone most of the year, the 1000-watt and 200-watt ones together in extremely cold weather. The main reason why more people don't do this is that soot forms on the bottom of the saucepan, but soot is not hard to wash off.
6. Healthy people are their own primary heat sources. When the weather turns cold, put on extra layers and get some exercise. In a few days you too can become comfortable at earth temperature. Of course this means you'll feel that most people's houses, offices, and businesses are overheated, but perfection is hard to come by in this mortal world. Human bodies really were designed to adjust to the weather, wearing extra layers at 40 degrees Fahrenheit (refrigerator-cold) and scampering about in cotton shirts at 50 degrees Fahrenheit. If you make this adjustment, in many of the United States there will be only a few days each winter when you have to turn on a heater or light a fire. This is not applicable to households where anyone is running a fever, is immobilized by a disability, or is using anti-hypertensive medication--don't try. If you come down with a virus, you'll need to keep yourself warm until you've completely recovered, then readjust to cool weather all over again. But learning to adjust your internal thermostat rather than an external one will serve active healthy people well.
7. Do not overlook the value of your close friends and relatives as heat sources. In extremely cold places, where people build houses out of thick blocks of ice and snow, a family can pack into such a house and soon have the inside of the pile of ice feeling warm. The temperature outside has to be bitterly cold for this to work; in the kind of weather most of the United States get, the body heat indoors would melt the ice. So our homes are not made out of ice and we can pack a half-dozen family members (children, parents, grandparents) into one warm room and, with no other heating at all, raise the temperature by about ten degrees Fahrenheit.
8. If you don't use a refrigerator, you won't buy food that needs refrigeration. If you do use a refrigerator you can save some time and trouble, so think long and hard about deciding not to use or replace one. However, a refrigerator is not an essential part of a healthy diet. If you want to eat meat or dairy products every day, you just have to go to the store and buy them every day--you can't store unrefrigerated food of animal origin in warm weather. You can, however, buy dried or canned meat, which will last for several days.
9. Bring back public computer centers. If daily use of the Internet is not in your job description, have an Internet-free home.
10. Get a few solar-powered lights to use in place of electric lights. Get some solar-powered batteries and solar collectors, too, as your budget allows. Next time the power company starts wailing about the need for a new power plant or new energy sources, call your Congresspeople (all three) and tell them to say no. Let the company invest in the community by turning your outbuildings, if not your home, into solar power plants. Home owners should be able to collect enough solar energy to sell electricity to the companies, to get paid for staying "on the grid" and helping heat and light the cities.
The "Solar Power Carol" deserves a better music video than this one. So make one.
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