Book Review: New Treasury of Stories for Every Speaking and Writing Occasion

Title: New Treasury of Stories for Every Speaking and Writing Occasion

Author: Jacob M. Braude

Date: 1959

Publisher: Prentice-Hall

ISBN: none

Length: 424 pages text, 70 pages indices

Quote: “On the solid and well-documented theory that ennui is perhaps our greatest enemy today, I offer the pages that follow and what I like to call a collection of ennui-eliminators...[I]f a man were to make two speeches daily, each of twenty-minutes duration (with time off for Sundays and holidays), using nothing but the data contained in this book, he wouldn’t run out of thought­-provoking material for three years, seven months and seventeen days.”

Here’s what’s not to like: In order to get 2900 bons mots into 424 pages, Braude did not actually restrict this collection to stories. “One keep-clean is better than ten make-cleans” is a good thought, a good adage, but it has no plot. Even when Braude’s selections do at least suggest a plot, most of them are one-liners:

“The way I’m playing golf,” muttered the man one Sunday morning, “I’d be better off in church.”

“Don’t waste too many stones on one bird.”

“The dull period in the life of an event is when it ceases to be news and has not begun to be history.”

“The girl who thinks no man is good enough for her may be right but she is more often left.”

“Fear follows crime and is its punishment.”

If Braude had only called these selections quotes, this wouldn’t be a disappointing book for anyone. Most of the quotes seem fresh, to me at least, and well chosen. Randomly opening the book will usually, though not always, yield a story and often a verse. There are some long homilies that would be hard to memorize and harder to use, but mostly this is a book of very short anecdotes, maxims, aphorisms, witticisms, and epigrams that offers a quote for almost every occasion.

“‘I am surprised,’ said” [preacher Peter] “Cartwright, ‘to see Abe Lincoln sitting back there unmoved by these appeals. If Mr. Lincoln does not want to go to Heaven...perhaps he will tell us where he does want to go.’ Lincoln slowly arose and replied, ‘I am going to Congress.’”

“A small businessman and his partner closed their office...[One] gasped, ‘Gosh, Joe, we forgot to close the safe!’ ‘What’s the difference?’ answered the other. ‘We’re both here...’”

“A Justice Department employee who started out of the office to get his hair cut was criticized by a supervisor for having it scissored ‘on government time.’ Fired back the employee: ‘Grew on government time didn’t it?’”

“Mark Twain asked if he might borrow a book, and the connoisseur replied: ‘You may consult it in my library’...There came a day when the book-lover asked if he might borrow Mark Twain’s lawn mower, whereupon the humorist replied: ‘Certainly, but you must use it in my garden.’”

“The shipwrecked sailor had spent nearly three years on a desert island, and one morning was overjoyed to see a ship...[A]n officer threw the sailor a bundle of newspapers. ‘The Captain’s compliments...and will you please read through these and then let him know whether you still wish to be rescued.’”

If Prentice-Hall, or whoever currently owns that publishing house, were to reissue this book as a New Treasury of Quotes for Every Speaking and Writing Occasion, it might sell well today.

Or, if you aspire some day to publish a “Commonplace Book,” the traditional snarky name for a collection of all the things you’ve found fresh and valuable enough to copy and save them, here’s an excellent head start. Anyone starting a Commonplace Book is bound to find some lines worth copying here.

A search for Braude on the Internet reveals no clear indication of whether or not he's still alive--he has no online presence--but abundant evidence that people are using his quotes to construct graphics and introduce themselves on social media. If you want to join the people using these quotes, send this web site $5 per book, $5 per package (two books of this size will fit into a package), plus $1 per online payment, and we'll try harder, even to the extent of actually writing to publishers, to track down Braude or a charity of his choice, and if he's still living we'll send him or his charity $1.