Book Review: Seven Biblical Insights for Healthy Joyful Christ-Centered Marriages

Title: Seven Biblical Insights for Healthy Joyful Christ-Centered Marriages

Author: Scott LaPierre

Date: 2018

Quote: "Apologize the right way."

If the basic formula for "apologizing the right way" were the only thing readers learned from this book, it would be worth whatever price the publishers put on the full-length printed book from which this little e-book was taken.

What's available through the Book Funnel is an outline of how to "apologize the right way," followed by seven suggestions about things couples are likely to want to apologize for doing and try to improve:

1. Husbands get the wives they prepare for themselves. Women tend to react to the way men behave. (This is the real reason why some women keep relationships in the friend zone: They don't feel interested in sex with men who are not positively pursuing marriage, or at least the cheap substitute known as the "long-term monogamous relationship"; so although they may have a general idea that a man could become attractive and desirable, they don't feel attraction or desire until he shows the appropriate level of commitment. LaPierre's advice to Christian couples doesn't mention this, but it's something uncoupled young men need to think about. The right kind of woman is never going to take things to the next level for you. You have to show your commitment, and you have to wait for that commitment to convince her and for her hormones to react to it. Otherwise...she may invite you to join her for lunch but, even if that doesn't mean lunch with her and half a dozen of her dorm buddies in the cafeteria, she's not likely to say anything she wouldn't say among all those other friends who, at this point, mean just as much to her as you do.)

2. Husbands need help. (Does that mean guidance and direction? Yes, but not in a bossy, controlling, infantilizing way. The last time  I visited X before writing this review, what was buzzing included a video where a sad little apple of a girl, who might or might not have been 25 years old, tearfully confessed that her husband had turned on her--he'd become a Trump fan. In cultures where marriage was seen as a matter of family obligation in which Romantic Love was optional it might not have been important, but in our culture, before couples talk about marriage they need to know enough about each other's life experience and beliefs to know whether they're making a commitment to someone who could become a Trump fan, or a Trump hater, or a Cowboys rooter, or who knows what other kind of person they didn't think they were likely to know. And if they make a commitment, they need to have some mental preparation for how they're going to deal with it. If you are not a Trump fan and your Significant Other suddenly tells you that person is one, how can you preserve love and unity while agreeing to disagree? How are you going to help your husband achieve what he wants to achieve with his life, even if you can't support some other enthusiasm he develops on the side?)

3. Husbands must make their wives supreme. (How to do this they need to ask their wives. Things like doing more housework, not discussing their feelings about Trump with their in-laws...)

4. Wives must respect their husbands. (This does not mean regressing into the "women have no civil rights, no ambitions, no lives of their own" mentality of the past...but it can mean being independent enough, if he's determined to make mistakes, to stand back and let him make them while having insulated yourself against the consequences. I had no trouble standing back and letting my husband spend some of his money on a politician who he thought couldn't lose in Maryland, which she proceeded to do. I might have had more trouble standing back and supporting his decision about hospice care if I'd examined it closely before the fact. But people have to go their own way.) 

5. Your marriage is a reflection of your relationship with Christ. (When the previous four steps are difficult, think of them as a spiritual discipline.)

6. Keep the marriage in the marriage. (Don't solicit support for your side of a disagreement from your friends and relatives. If the disagreement can't be resolved between the couple, consult a counsellor who is willing to hear both sides impartially before playing mediator. Especially avoid seeking help in a disagreement with your spouse from a friend of the opposite sex, because, even when an old school friend or favorite cousin or wise co-worker advises you to be reconciled to your spouse, person's wisdom and sympathy may tempt you to imagine that person would be a better partner for life than your spouse is. This won't help.)

7. Your body belongs to your spouse. (Don't. Ever. Cheat.)

For couples who are willing to work with these seven pieces of tough love, this book may save the expense of a lot of counselling sessions.