Wednesday, March 1, 2017

To All Republican and Democrat Correspondents

Attention all political correspondents: I don't know the people President Trump is appointing to cabinet positions, ay? (That's a Northeast Coast "ay?" with a tiny hint of a Mexican "ay!" behind it.) I know some people need to vet them. I know they're the ones who'll be making a lot of decisions, and being blamed for decisions not entirely their own, during the next four years. I am not qualified to vet them.

With the sole exception of Ben Carson, all I know about who these people are and where they're from is the partisan messages the political parties have been cranking out. Since I don't believe any of Trump's nominees is either the Messiah or a rabid coyote, those messages haven't told me much. I might have liked to have been paid to get out there and investigate all the facts, favorable and unfavorable, about just one of those nominees, the way I did with Bill Clinton in 1996...but I wasn't. So I didn't. So I know nothing about these people and I will not be signing any petitions to confirm them, block them, promote them, fire them, give them medals, send them to Siberia, or send them out into space. So please stop spamming me about them.