Does Google Still Know What You Need?

Back at the beginning of this web site, when the blogosphere was growing fast and people were circulating let's-get-acquainted "meme" quizzes daily, a popular "meme" was "Your Search Engine Knows What You Need." The game was played by typing your name and the word "needs" into a search engine. The game appealed to animal bloggers because, back then, before Petfinder, one way bloggers found animals in search of homes was by discovering that almost any name we could think of had been given to a homeless pet somewhere.

I posted my results in 2011. During a recent blog housecleaning I dug up a draft for a follow-up post about what Google might say "Priscilla wants." 

It's been so long, and Google's changed so much, I think it's more interesting to find out what today's Google thinks Priscilla needs.

1. Priscilla Needs is a person. "Needs" is a name, in the real world, and you knew it was only a matter of time: Somewhere in this world lives a blogger who claims "Priscilla Needs" as a real name. Her screen name is Villa Cilla. 

2. Priscilla needs to be where I am. Wotta relief. People who covet my property have been dropping hints that they thought I needed to be somewhere else. We should always prayerfully consider such suggestions because sometimes God may send us a message out of the mouth of a dumb animal. I considered the suggestion, and considered the Scriptures, and concluded that God wants me to stay at the Cat Sanctuary. Google did not, of course, know about this. Google wanted me to know about a Christian teacher called Priscilla Shirer who produced a video called "You're Right Where You Need to Be." 

3. Priscilla needs Alonzo to bring some things. Really? Alonzo, whoever you are, could you kindly bring me some odd unflattering old pictures of Benjamin Franklin that make him look sort of grey or green, all the ones that are there? Then for further guidance you may consult my Amazon Wish List, and as you will need a vehicle to haul all of those books, please make it the new Chrysler Pacifica, with room to store literally a ton of merchandise and the ability at least to boast that it gets 82 miles to the gallon.

In real life, of course, Google was referring to characters called Priscilla and Alonzo on a BET series.

4. Priscilla needs something I already have. That's another video sermon from P. Shirer: "You Already Have What You Need." No, Ma'am, I'm afraid I don't. Please send me money.

5. Priscilla needs a Good Rx. Like thunder. All medical concerns I have are directly related to glyphosate and all personal issues I have are directly related to money.

6. Priscilla needs to move, ASAP. That's yet another Priscilla, whose parents have set up a GoFundMe to help her get out of an apartment with unpleasantness in it. They are just so afraid their daughter will move back home. Seriously, after living away from their parents' home for a few years young people do tend to grow in ways that make it difficult for them to fit back in, but GoFundMe is for people trying to launch businesses or pay medical bills. 

7. Priscilla needs life saving heart surgery. That is, thank Heaven, yet another Priscilla, also on GoFundMe. Reportedly P. Mashiri-Mawodza, an African-Australian mother of three school-age children, sustained major heart damage from COVID. Do we have readers in Queensland? Would they like to check out her story? The kids look about eight, ten, and twelve years old...a horrible time to lose their mother.

8. Priscilla needs Elvis Presley. Say whaaat? I already have all of his recordings that I need. They were thinking, of course, of his widow. 

9. Priscilla needs wedding. Oh yes. Google must have been thinking of my Significant Other. Hello, dearie, although I always said I'd take the plunge when the foster son was grown and gone, and a few weeks after he left he came back to help you survive Lyme Disease, and I've become comfortable with the idea that it's easier for him to lift you than it is for me, I really need you to get up out of that hospital bed and have the wedding, just in case you die, in order to get your house...I don't believe you ever would have taken a woman who thought that way out to lunch. I hope not. If you did, it was not I. Both of us do need a glyphosate ban, so that you can keep recovering strength long enough to have a decent wedding, and that fine young man can have a life of his own at last. 

Some people said I lost six houses and half a million dollars, the first time around, by scrupling to drag my husband into the courthouse for a civil wedding in Maryland. Well I would have shared with his son and nieces in any case. And I still think I don't need a big or elaborate wedding, but I do want a man who can stand up on his own feet--or at least roll himself into the office in his own wheelchair--and affirm that he does. When my husband was ill, he and I went to the bank to withdraw some funds, and although he'd been fretting about the bills he hated to have perky-looking co-workers see him looking ill, and people wanted to read the look on his face as if mean, heartless I were making him come into the bank as he'd done every month for years. I did feel that it would've been better style to have paid all of our bills while he was ill, but I was not working, other than with him, and he had his retirement pension...Anyway anyone I marry needs to look enthusiastic about the proceedings.  

10. Priscilla needs reading comprehension. I had to share that one. I'm sure it will make some people whose books I've reviewed feel better.

11. Priscilla needs a partly sunny to sunny environment, little maintenance, and an average supply of water. For Google that might even count as a hit. Actually, of course, they're talking about a variety of petunias called Priscilla. 

12. Priscilla needs the whole armor of God. That was one of St. Paul's more creative phrases. In Ephesians 6 he catalogued the Christian's gear for spiritual warfare as "14 Stand therefore, ehaving your loins girt about with truth, and fhaving on the breastplate of righteousness; 15 And gyour feet shod with the preparation of hthe gospel of peace; 16 Above all, taking ithe shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the jfiery darts of kthe wicked. 17 And take fthe helmet of salvation, and lthe sword of the Spirit, which is mthe word of God:" It would be pleasant to think that Priscilla Shirer's sermons were generating so many Google hits because P. Shirer is such a successful writeror speaker, rather than because she or her organization is paying Google.

13. "All you need is love and a dog named Priscilla." Apparently that's somebody's new Zazzle slogan. You can, of course, insert your own dog's name and picture, and a very cute line of Zazzle merchandise will result. 

14. Priscilla needs educational wellness newsletters. Actually, the story is about someone called Priscilla Bremes, a university professor in Kansas who made a formal study of the benefits of grandparents' mailing out health-related newsletters to their friends and, especially, their children. Instead of nagging their grown-up children the grandmothers searched the Internet for health-related material they could compile or edit into newsletters that had the effect of stealth nags. Most of the grandparents in the study found that this produced some of the target behavior changes that they believed would keep their grandchildren healthy. 

15. And now the fun part: Priscilla the shelter pet needs a good home. Yes, Petfinder actually searches for the names shelter pets have been given. 

a. Priscilla the Shelter Cat from New York is actually living in Hartford, Connecticut. Thought to be about a year old, she's described as having a wonderful personality, friendly, gentle, playful, brave, curious, cuddly, despite having been spayed and vaccinated and microchipped. That's a lot of uncomfortable veterinary care in a short life, but apparently this kittycat holds no grudges. Her web page is https://www.petfinder.com/cat/priscilla-57405917/ct/hartford/love-n-light-furever-fl1789/.

 b. Priscilla the Shelter Cat from Harrisburg has a terrible story, but apparently it could end happily. They claim that a "shelter volunteer" found this cat, oh horrors, OUTDOORS in "an unsavory part" of Harrisburg. And Priscilla, obviously not a victim of abuse by humans, approached the volunteer in a friendly way. Was it the kind of love bombing thrown-away pets sometimes give people by whom they want to be adopted? The shelter volunteer made inquiries and found someone who claimed Priscilla-cat as their pet, claimed she was seventeen years old, and claimed they "had to" put her outside because she was clawing on the furniture. The volunteer then offered to take the cat away, and her human consented to this, as did Priscilla. This web site recommends checking out this story, but stranger things happen, Cats willingly leave homes where they are no longer getting what they want, and if Priscilla agreed with the shelter volunteer that she'd been thrown out into an "unsavory" place, she might indeed be actively looking for a new lap to snuggle on. She tolerates other cats as long as they don't get too close. She likes snuggling on or beside older women. She uses corrective nips to teach new humans when and how she likes to be petted. The "rescuer" says she's a tidy cat who instantly recognized what she was expected to do with a litter box and a "scratching box." Check out her story, and find out whether you have the sort of lap that suits this cat, at https://www.petfinder.com/cat/priscilla-looking-for-senior-adopter-with-a-lap-52164860/pa/harrisburg/castaway-critters-the-james-a-hueholt-foundation-pa224/.

c. Priscilla the Shelter Cat from Cumming is an example of this web site's observation that the shelters near the zipcode 30303 tend to post sub-optimal photos. Dark torties like this Priscilla are well camouflaged, hard to photograph in poses that make it clear that they are cats and not, say, shadows, or bolsters, but I didn't have to try very hard to get Heather to photograph well. Anyway if you look carefully you can see that Priscilla is a living cat with eyes looking at the picture. Not much is known about her past and she's not been at the shelter long enough for a story about her recent life to have been written, but they say she's been spayed and tested healthy. Updates may appear later at https://www.petfinder.com/cat/priscilla-57341877/ga/cumming/furkids-animal-rescue-and-shelters-ga170/.