Book Review: Speaking Mom-ese

Title: Speaking Mom-ese

Author: Lisa Whelchel

Publisher: Integrity

Date: 2005

ISBN: 1-59145-345-3

Length: 237 pages

Quote: “Lord, help me to remember that correction and love are not mutually exclusive.”

It’s not the main focus of the spiritual journal Lisa Whelchel revised into a short devotional book, but it’s relevant to some things I’ve seen on the Web: Yes, even five-year-olds can tell the difference between corrections—however harsh—and abuse.

I say five-year-olds because that is how old I was when my family went for a nice little summer afternoon stroll in the woods. Mother was carrying my brother. I was scampering about, looking at pretty flowers and pebbles and a stream up ahead. Suddenly Dad’s hand lashed out and knocked me flat on the ground! I started to whine about this indignity, but nobody paid any attention to that, because now Dad was killing a snake where it lay coiled beside the stream. If I’d gone on scampering without interference, I might have stepped on it.

Which might not have been a very bad thing. None of us knew just what species of snake it was. Probably it was not one of the three local kinds that contain venom that can be toxic to humans.

However, if you are a parent, and you see your child scampering toward a snake that is not (in my part of the world) solid black or green, you don’t look for a field guide to identify that snake. You react from the part of your brain that has most in common with the snake’s brain. You might snatch the child up; you might knock it down. You might or might not have time to kill the snake before it slithers away. If you can, you do.

I saw what else was happening up ahead of me, on that day, and understood. I stopped whining. On that particular occasion I was glad Dad had reacted in a hasty, impetuous, offensive way.

I don’t have such clear memories from earlier stages of life, but as a toddler I probably was slapped or shoved away from other dangers, sticking my little hands into fires or machinery, toddling out in front of traffic—the usual toddler adventures. Like most toddlers I probably did some whining about those corrections, too. Like most adults (or older children), if I think back, I’m glad I got the corrections rather than the alternatives. I heard that a local man, when he was a toddler, had taken an opportunity to swallow some cleaning chemicals, and that was why he still had to grind up all his food in a blender. I would’ve guessed that he wished someone had slapped that container out of his hands.

Some other corrections children get may arouse more controversy, especially when there is some room for questioning motives or consequences. Is a verbal “mistake” meant to offend or annoy, or is it an honest mistake? Does a younger child need to be kept in line with threats or scary stories, and if so are adults giving the older child too much responsibility for that younger child, or is the older child practicing being a bully and a liar? People disagree.

Whelchel reminisces, in this book, about having applied hot sauce to the tongue of her son for telling a lie. The incident was publicized. A poll showed that Americans are divided. About one out of three of us, nationwide, recognizes “hot saucing” or “peppering” as a traditional and appropriate form of punishment; two out of three think it’s shocking, barbaric, horrific. Whelchel apparently learned something about our mainstream culture (of which, as a child star, she grew up somewhat outside) and her son learned something about telling lies. This is one writer who understands that although of course we want to guide children in the same way we do adults, when that’s possible, there are worse things than scolding or even spanking a child.

From her experience as a parent, an author, and a semi-celebrity author, Whelchel has pulled together a devotional workbook that’s different from the traditional “daily devotional.” Instead of a short reflection on a Bible passage and suggestion for prayer, Speaking Mom-ese offers 52 family-friendly spiritual/psychological exercises for frazzled young mothers to reflect on for a whole week.

I’m not too sure about the printer’s idea of printing this book in “workbook” format, because it’s a small book, suitable for reading in bed. Some of us can write our reflections on a Bible verse in a three-inch square of narrow lines, and some can’t. If I were going to work my way through these devotionals/exercises I’d want to buy a full-sized notebook or open a computer file. Trying to write on narrow lines is probably what readers are most likely not to like about this book; or what is most likely to make them cheat themselves of the benefit of doing the exercises.

Apart from that, a few passages are on the syrupy side, and I can imagine what C.S. Lewis might have said upon reading suggestions that readers even briefly “think of God as your Daddy…or grandparent” who wants to indulge and comfort you. However, these thoughts were reader-tested. It may be worth devoting a whole week to suggestions like:

“[J]ot down a few ideas for becoming more involved…write down the name of people in your church who could use a touch of encouragement or practical help.”

“[W]rite down a few methods of discipline you feel would be effective when tough times call for tough measures.”

“What items could you give away? What items could you let others borrow?”

“Is there someone in your family who deserves a little more of your time?”

“Make a list of the significant things you need to talk to your children about.”

If you are, or know, a mother of young children who is far too busy with child care, housework, work-from-home, maybe a bit of homeschooling, a husband who wants a few scraps of her attention too, and the need to squeeze moments of sleep in there somewhere, to talk to a counsellor every week, this book may help her get through the Tired Time of youth without the counsellor.