Wednesday, January 8, 2025

Bonus Petfinder Post: I Believe Serena's Real Because I Couldn't Make Her Up

Just to annoy the whimsy-impaired, a Cat Sanctuary Interview. We've not had one of those for a while.

PK: "Serena, where were you on Tuesday morning? It's not like you to miss breakfast!"

Serena: "Hah. You do remember breakfast."

PK: "Just because I'm not feeling fit to do it doesn't mean I've forgotten what it is."

Serena: "Speaking of breakfasts, why did the Lap Pooper just make a noise like a mouse?"

PK: "Because someone shared a cooking video, and the person on the cooking video was shaking salt and pepper over their breakfast eggs."

Serena: "I think you cooked eggs once."

PK: "I didn't like the way they came out, cooking over a candle. With electric heat there's no challenge about scrambled eggs. They used to be the first thing people taught children to cook, unless you count heating up vegetables from cans, or toasting bread."

Serena: "We cats enjoyed cleaning the pan, though."

PK: "I'm sure you did."

Silver: "Well. Last week a certain human stayed out late and came in coughing and dumped out some food and forgot about us. We might as well not have been here. All our human did was lie around under a pile of blankets in front of the heater."

PK: "It was extremely boring. I wished I hadn't been trying to stay away from you cats. You would have had to have made those two days less boring than they were." 

Pastel: "You weren't very interesting for the rest of the week, either."

PK: "Neither were you, O bleary-eyed one. Your glyphosate reactions show up worse than mine do! Nyah nyah nyah!"

Serena: "Really."

PK: "Really. Sorry you've been so bleary-eyed, Pastel. Where were we?"

Silver: "I don't know, and I don't care. Crayola's Trumpkin came around saying his place had become lonely. Well, they've lost Crayola. They might need a Queen Cat. I went to stay with them for a few...I was thinking weeks, actually."

PK: "I worried about you, Silver. I missed you."

Silver: "Should've set out fresh kibble twice a day then."

PK: "Sweating out the COVID cough was boring enough. Then the glyphosate reactions set in and were really unpleasant. Fortunately I had Serena to take care of me, such as a cat can. After all signs of COVID virus were gone, Serena came in and purred and showed an interest in what I was doing, even in the computer, for the first time in her life. While mopping my face after almost every breath, trying desperately to drink enough water to stay hydrated, feeling sickish from drinking as much water as fast as possible while my dried-out surface shrivelled and cracked, is nobody's idea of fun and there should only be a way to deliver that experience to all poison sprayers, I have to say that I felt loved, the whole time."

Serena: "I feel sorry for you and Pastel, having such ugly, icky reactions."

PK: "Whereas you have beautiful kittens, with never a trace of the Manx gene, born dead. People don't think they have glyphosate reactions because they don't have the same ones someone else has. The first thing all those horrible animal studies ought to have shown anyone who was not looking for an excuse to license glyphosate for use is that, though only a small minority of any species show any specific reaction,  the majority do show reactions. The majority of all species show nasty reactions. Not having any reaction at all is very rare, but in quite a few females across species, especially if they had ancestors from southern Europe, the poison is transferred into the placenta the next time the female conceives, and her babies don't survive. The Seralini Effect. Do you and Silver have ancestors from southern Europe?"

Serena: "Who knows? Samantha came from the other side of town. Burr was born here."

Silver: "And everyone made a glorious fuss over me! It was 'Come and sit by me.' 'No,  sit by me and have some fried chicken.' 'Over here and have some fish!' 'May I comb your fur?' Everyone takes me for granted here, but everyone there was thinking of different ways to spoil me! All! Week! Long!" (Probably exaggerating a bit.)

PK: "Yes, you obviously ate well all week."

Silver: "Don't you wish you did, then! I'm not too fat."

PK: "Eating very much defeats the purpose of sweating-out. A person has to do one thing before the other. There's no pleasure in eating solid food when one is dehydrated. And you have the classic Siamese body shape,  but if you overate every day you could probably become fat. Which might be what happened to our unfortunate Crayola."

Serena: "You don't know that."

PK: "I know that when I dragged my weary, chilly self outside to put down kibble for you, Silver wasn't there. I missed her. I called her..."

Silver: "Couldn't hear you."

PK: "I couldn't breathe well enough to project my voice very far."

Serena: "And so, in view of your distress, what could I do but venture out and tell Silver to show some responsibility and come home before you made yourself sicker than you already were."

PK: "I couldn't believe YOU not reporting for breakfast, Serena!"

Pastel: "I tried to tell you that our mother could take care of herself, that she'd only gone after Silver and would be back soon."

PK: "I suppose that was what you were doing when I went out and called Serena. It was hard to tell. I never know how much you understand of anything, Pastel."

Pastel: "More than you think."

PK: "Except when I think of you as like Serena and Silver. Then it's always obvious that you understand much less."

Pastel: "Well, it's not as if I'll ever be as thick as a human."

PK: "But then, while I was still only thinking about going out to look further afield for Serena, she came home."

Serena: "Purr-course."

PK: "And cuddled."

Serena: "Oh be quiet. You needed distraction from worrying about Silver. There was nothing to worry about. I'd told her to come home."

PK: "And then about an hour later..."

Silver: "I really had to think long and hard about it, because Trumpkin's humans were trying so hard to please me and offering me everything I could possibly fancy to eat..."

PK: "I don't suppose they read this web site. I don't suppose they read much of anything any more. I expect they're like most people in this town and would rather be functional illiterates for a few years than buy a new pair of glasses. But they can't have you, Silver. You would be missed. They can have Diego if they want another cat. I was so delighted to see you!"

Silver: "Trumpkin does not want Diego."

PK: "Somebody ought to want Diego. I'm surprised he's not been claimed already. He shows no sign of understanding words, and does seem to hear sounds well enough--so he's like a normal cat, only social, with a kind, gentle, sharing side to his purrsonality. He has that marvellous, thick, soft, pale orange coat and loves to be groomed and petted. Some people like to turn cats upside down and tickle them; Diego's favorite thing is to lie on his back on someone's lap and see how much tickling he can endure without even grabbing at person's finger. He's not just another tomcat. As the inferior kind of cats go, our Diego is indeed a prince. Not that I want him here particularly. But he could be a real house pet."

Silver: "Have you no sympathy for poor little Trumpkin?! Imagine being a social cat with no cat family. Trumpkin wanders the roads, crying out loud from loneliness. He's fed and groomed but has no one who can really understand him..."

PK: "Oh, I can understand how he might not want Diego as competition. And Diego's not going to starve even if he stays here. Still, the sort of people who think I make animal interviews up out of thin air, and think an animal who understands human words is sort of creepy? For them Diego could be a once-in-a-lifetime pet. They'd probably let him run the place, which does seem to be what he'll always want to do. Do you cats know any of that sort of people?"

Serena: "That's like asking you if you know any really racist White people. How would we? They may exist but they certainly don't spend time around us."

PK: "True. Or asking us if we know of places where there is still a cat overpopulation problem--not just hysterical cat haters who think any cat doing its duty to protect the neighborhood from plague is a problem, who all ought to be sterilized and confined in safe places, but actual alleys full of starving cats nobody wants, with not even so much as a cricket to quarrel over and no way to fight off the infections they all share from living too close together. I'm told there are places like that, but thank goodness we do not live in one of them. So, although we're starting our reviews of what became of last year's photo contest winners, let's look at some nice homeless cats in Kingsport who might help Trumpkin's humans keep the mice down."

Silver: "I could do that. I could be like a Queen Cat!"

PK: "You'd soon get tired of being one. You are by nature a Junior Cat. Anyway, Serena needs a hunting teammate, and the possums need a kind but firm Possum Manager, so you'd be missed here. But Trumpkin needs a housemate he can talk to. Perhaps one of these nice lady cats would do."

Kitty Kitty


This cat is currently in the custody of a small private organization. You can tell they're new because they still think of "Kitty Kitty" as an available name. They probably think it's extra cute. I can't say the cat is anything to look at but they say she's a sweet, lovable little follower. That might make her especially satisfying company for a lonely social cat like Trumpkin. She might not be bright enough to understand him but she'd probably think he was wonderful. 

Joan Jett 


And if that's not an overload of Tuxie looks already, she's actually half of a matched pair. The Blountville shelter also has Suzi Quatro, whose photo is not reproduced here because she looks more or less exactly like Joan Jett Cat. The Blountville shelter makes no promises about either cat's purrsonality but let's just say that the last time I was there, I came home with a cat who converted a dog person into a cat person. Some of their cats come from Kingsport so there's a strong chance of finding a real social cat there.

Missy and Sissy 


Sissy is, if possible, even more melodramatic looking. These two long-haired calico cats are just piles of gorgeous fur that will need to be brushed or combed at least once a day. Everybody wants to grab them and sink their hands into all the fur, and these are nice, quiet, gentle lady cats who just want to hide from all the attention from total strangers. Take time, act a tiny bit cool, and they will show an interest in you and be friendly. They have a rather high adoption fee but they have apparently run up a substantial vet bill, for which the fee could be considered a bargain payment. 

Could Trumpkin deal with housemates as gorgeous as Missy and Sissy? I have no idea. I know he's borne the withering blast of Serena's contempt. Repeatedly. He's a brave little stinker, anyway.

Footsie 


Footsie is described as a lazy home-loving cat, which might help Trumpkin feel better about spending more time at home, too. She doesn't sound as if she'd  be his mental equal but sometimes social cats like to keep rather dim ordinary cats as pets. 

The Kingsport city shelter doesn't even list cats on Petfinder, and the Blountville one has some more. Males and senior cats as well as young females who'd be likely to interest Trumpkin. 

Please help, local readers! Trumpkin needs a housemate soonest! 
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