In 2017, the Washington Post celebrated a posthumous reissue of Edward Gorey's "gashly tiny" ABC rhymes, which were a parody of Victorian cautionary stories for children--the "A is for Ann who stood close to the fire, B is for Bertie bound up in barbed wire" sort of thing--by inviting people to compose ABC rhymes about contemporary "gashly" things.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/entertainment/style-invitational-gorey-bits-from-a-to-z--give-us-edgy-alphabet-rhymes/2017/05/25/5243edbc-3f6f-11e7-8c25-44d09ff5a4a8_story.html
They anticipated fewer horrible warnings to children and more snarky wisecracks about the things adult readers could do without. My snarky rhyme made me chortle, so behind a paywall it went. At least it did not include "T is for Trump" and the words "dump," "rump," or "tacky.".
Can this web site do better than that? We hope.
Anyway, since it's a Correspondents' Choice book link...
...here are some "gashly" gross-out rhymes, for the sturdy of stomach only, all "inspired" by the week's e-mail. What may make it depressing is how timely these topics still are. You have been warned! If you do choose to read these rhymes (and if you're really feeling tough, follow the links), you'll understand why, at the time of writing, I was looking forward to a week offline.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/entertainment/style-invitational-gorey-bits-from-a-to-z--give-us-edgy-alphabet-rhymes/2017/05/25/5243edbc-3f6f-11e7-8c25-44d09ff5a4a8_story.html
They anticipated fewer horrible warnings to children and more snarky wisecracks about the things adult readers could do without. My snarky rhyme made me chortle, so behind a paywall it went. At least it did not include "T is for Trump" and the words "dump," "rump," or "tacky.".
Can this web site do better than that? We hope.
Anyway, since it's a Correspondents' Choice book link...
...here are some "gashly" gross-out rhymes, for the sturdy of stomach only, all "inspired" by the week's e-mail. What may make it depressing is how timely these topics still are. You have been warned! If you do choose to read these rhymes (and if you're really feeling tough, follow the links), you'll understand why, at the time of writing, I was looking forward to a week offline.
Several of the news links have been broken, but the headlines explain what the stories were about. If you really want to search, you can find newer stories on the same theme.
A is for Animals HSUS wants to kill.
B is for Bloat Built into many a Bill.
[ https://www.avma.org/Advocacy/StateAndLocal/Pages/sr-spay-neuter-laws.aspx ]
C is for Craigslist's bad example on flagging.
D, Dinosaur ideas, un-Deadly Dragging.
[ https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/20141104172024-396418-top-5-rules-to-keep-your-craigslist-ad-from-getting-ghosted-or-flagged ]
E is for E-mails that ask us for money.
F is for Fools who think Flamewars are Funny.
G is for Greed and its Goonish enforcers.
H is for Hay--they begrudge it to Horses.
[ http://www.fws.gov/invasives/staffTrainingModule/methods/grazing/impacts.html ]
I is for Insects, comparatively nice.
J is for Judgment corrupted by vice.
[ http://ksn.com/2017/05/25/sedgwick-county-detention-deputy-arrested-on-allegations-of-driving-under-the-influence/ ]
K is for Killing in the name of religion.
L is for Lefties' 19-20 vision.
[ https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/gunmen-kill-23-christians-in-central-egypt/2017/05/26/3d2693dc-41fc-11e7-adba-394ee67a7582_story.html ]
M is for Microsoft Windows 10 and its "cloud."
N is for Nosy Nerds' spying allowed.
[ https://account.microsoft.com/unsupported-browser ]
O's for Officious Overlords who expect
People to Pay them to (they say) "Protect."
[ https://www.wsj.com/articles/facebook-employees-pushed-to-remove-trump-posts-as-hate-speech-1477075392 ]
Q is for Quality standards forgotten.
R is for 'Rithmetic, Common Core Rotten.
[ http://www.nationalreview.com/article/373840/ten-dumbest-common-core-problems-alec-torres ]
S is for Stingingworms in a fruit tree.
T is for Taxes, more apt to sting me.
[ https://priscillaking.blogspot.com/2023/05/hemileuca-annulata-subspecies-or.html and other posts in this series. Seriously, without paying for Tuskes and Collins' $400 book, this series is the most informative study of the bristle-spined, venomous Saturnid moth species you can get. You should consider funding the rest of the series.]
U's for Urbanski, U.M.C.P. stabber.
V is for Vile anti-conservative jabber.
[https://newpittsburghcourieronline.com/2017/05/25/race-and-politics-the-murder-of-richard-collins-iii/]
W is for World War III: some want to start.
X is for eXtinction to humans impart.
[Web site refuses to link to a petition to Congress to "declare war." Even for a Ghastly Post we have some standards.]
Y is for Yuppies' eYes always on "dough."
Z is for Zambia...way not to go!
[ https://www.technocracy.news/index.php/2017/05/26/feudalism-zambias-poorest-farmers-becoming-squatters-land/ ]
A is for Animals HSUS wants to kill.
B is for Bloat Built into many a Bill.
[ https://www.avma.org/Advocacy/StateAndLocal/Pages/sr-spay-neuter-laws.aspx ]
C is for Craigslist's bad example on flagging.
D, Dinosaur ideas, un-Deadly Dragging.
[ https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/20141104172024-396418-top-5-rules-to-keep-your-craigslist-ad-from-getting-ghosted-or-flagged ]
E is for E-mails that ask us for money.
F is for Fools who think Flamewars are Funny.
G is for Greed and its Goonish enforcers.
H is for Hay--they begrudge it to Horses.
[ http://www.fws.gov/invasives/staffTrainingModule/methods/grazing/impacts.html ]
I is for Insects, comparatively nice.
J is for Judgment corrupted by vice.
[ http://ksn.com/2017/05/25/sedgwick-county-detention-deputy-arrested-on-allegations-of-driving-under-the-influence/ ]
K is for Killing in the name of religion.
L is for Lefties' 19-20 vision.
[ https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/gunmen-kill-23-christians-in-central-egypt/2017/05/26/3d2693dc-41fc-11e7-adba-394ee67a7582_story.html ]
M is for Microsoft Windows 10 and its "cloud."
N is for Nosy Nerds' spying allowed.
[ https://account.microsoft.com/unsupported-browser ]
O's for Officious Overlords who expect
People to Pay them to (they say) "Protect."
[ https://www.wsj.com/articles/facebook-employees-pushed-to-remove-trump-posts-as-hate-speech-1477075392 ]
Q is for Quality standards forgotten.
R is for 'Rithmetic, Common Core Rotten.
[ http://www.nationalreview.com/article/373840/ten-dumbest-common-core-problems-alec-torres ]
S is for Stingingworms in a fruit tree.
T is for Taxes, more apt to sting me.
[ https://priscillaking.blogspot.com/2023/05/hemileuca-annulata-subspecies-or.html and other posts in this series. Seriously, without paying for Tuskes and Collins' $400 book, this series is the most informative study of the bristle-spined, venomous Saturnid moth species you can get. You should consider funding the rest of the series.]
U's for Urbanski, U.M.C.P. stabber.
V is for Vile anti-conservative jabber.
[https://newpittsburghcourieronline.com/2017/05/25/race-and-politics-the-murder-of-richard-collins-iii/]
W is for World War III: some want to start.
X is for eXtinction to humans impart.
[Web site refuses to link to a petition to Congress to "declare war." Even for a Ghastly Post we have some standards.]
Y is for Yuppies' eYes always on "dough."
Z is for Zambia...way not to go!
[ https://www.technocracy.news/index.php/2017/05/26/feudalism-zambias-poorest-farmers-becoming-squatters-land/ ]
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