Monday, April 13, 2015

My Inner Mean Girl, If Any, Which I Doubt

On my Google + page, I groused that this site was slow in returning my "Inner Mean Girl Score" because I don't think I actually have an "Inner Mean Girl." At least I don't spend a lot of time beating myself up. However, in aid of the artist known as Sark and her friends who created this quiz, I will share the profile of the Inner Mean Girls (or guys) some of us carry around in our minds, beating us up. If you're living with any of these creeps, you might want to use the links to send your Inner Meanie to reform school. Amy Ahlers and Christine Arylo have written a book on this topic.

Comparison Queen  

The Comparison Queen is your inner judge who assesses the success of your life by comparing you to other people or to where she thinks you should be, or used to be, which in her eyes is never enough. She makes you feel like an inadequate failure or like you are falling behind and not measuring up. She can also compare your best to everyone else’s worst so that you feel superior.
Comparison Queen Instant De-Activator: Transform comparison into inspiration. Ask yourself, “What about this person inspires me?” And then tell that person they inspired you. Let their self expression inspire you into inspired action for yourself. (See page 12 in the Reform Your Inner Mean Girl book for more.)

Rejection Queen 

The Rejection Queen is the one who is deathly afraid of being rejected, unloved, and alone. Her job is to convince you that you are unlovable and doomed to be alone and that people don’t really want you around, showing you just how unsafe it is to let people in. And she’s great at choosing unhealthy relationships for you, to prove her theories. She makes you feel lonely and left out, like you don’t belong, and like it’s just safer to be on your own.
Rejection Queen Instant De-Activator: Collect evidence of how lovable you are. Write an "I Love Me” list of the 5 things you most love about yourself. (See page 32 in the Reform Your Inner Mean Girl book for more.)


The Martyr is an inner spiritual guru, starving artist, or superactivist who has made it her job to use your spirituality, creativity, or social mission as a way to pretend you don’t need things on the earthly plane—including money, recognition, and success. She keeps you suffering for your cause, your art, or your spiritual pursuit, as a way to prove yourself worthy or better than others.
Martyr Instant De-Activator: Collect evidence of wealthy people doing good. Do a search for people in your field (art, cause, social movement, spiritual community) that have both abundance and creativity and use them to inspire you and your mission. (See page 26 in the Reform Your Inner Mean Girl book for more.)

Head Tripper 

The Head Tripper is the rational, practical skeptic, whose job it is to discount your intuition and anything that feels too “touchy-feely” or “woo-woo.” She prides herself on your ability to not cry, to be unshakable, and to keep your emotions under wraps. She makes you feel weak for having emotions, and she makes you give up on your dreams because they aren’t “realistic.”
Head Tripper Instant De-Activator: Get out of your head and tune into your body. Put your hand on your heart, close your eyes, take three deep breaths and notice how your body feels. Say out loud, “My body feels… My body is telling me …" (See page 22 in the Reform Your Inner Mean Girl book for more.)

Invincible Superwoman 

The Invincible Superwoman puts the weight of the world on your shoulders and doesn’t let you set it down, no matter how heavy it gets—because she thinks you should be able to handle it. Her job is to keep you feeling and looking strong, never showing any weakness. She makes you do everything on your own and take on way more responsibility than humanly possible.
Invincible Superwoman Instant De-Activator: Delegate with joy. Give at least one task to someone else, release control and celebrate the space you just created for yourself! (See page 24 in the Reform Your Inner Mean Girl book for more.)

Achievement Junkie 

The Achievement Junkie is the pushy, relentless force that drives you hard to get to a goal you will never reach because the finish line just keeps moving. Her job is to keep you addicted to pursuing goals, by fooling you into believing that there is a magical destination that will indicate you have finally arrived, where you can rest, stop working so hard, and be enough. She makes you exhaust yourself and robs you of receiving the success and happiness from all your hard work.
Achievement Junkie Instant De-Activator: Acknowledge yourself. Stop, drop & celebrate by naming three things you have accomplished already today or this matter how small! (See page10 in the Reform Your Inner Mean Girl book for more.)

Drama Queen 

The Drama Queen is the turmoil creator who thrives on chaos and loves to keep your life in a state of drama, which she views as excitement. Her job is to keep you from having to deal with your true emotions by whipping up all-consuming drama in your life or feeding off gossip and other people’s chaos. She makes you use all your energy on the “drama” happening so that you don’t have focus on the truth of your life.
Drama Queen Instant De-Activator: Turn your focus inside and get truthful. Have a self honesty moment and ask yourself, "What am I avoiding feeling or dealing with - inside of myself and my life?” (See page 16 in the Reform Your Inner Mean Girl book for more.)


The Worrywart is the professional worrier and runner of worst-case scenarios, who loves to fill your mind with all the bad things that could happen. Her job is to keep you living in a heightened state of fear and anxiety. She makes you feel unsafe, unsure, and uncertain, filling your head with crazy thoughts so you are constantly anxious, upset, or scared.
Worry Wart Instant De-Activator: Remember the worst-case scenerio hardly ever happens. Tell yourself that the odds are in your favor that what you worry about will rarely, if ever, come true. Focus on what you're grateful for right now & feel your Worry Wart anxiety fade. (See page 34 in the Reform Your Inner Mean Girl book for more.)

Doing Addict 

The Doing Addict is an inner taskmaster and slave driver who makes sure you are always busy doing something. She makes sure you don’t rest, relax, or play until your work is done or the items on the to-do list are checked off (which they never are). She makes your mind run constantly with all the to dos, making you stressed out, frenzied, always reacting to the outside world’s demands.
Doing Addict Instant De-Activator: Take a daily pause. Set a soothing alarm on your phone to stop once per day this week. When the sound goes off, pause, put your hand on your heart and take 3 deep breaths. Ahh rest feels good. (See page
14 in the Reform Your Inner Mean Girl book for more.)

Fixer and Rescuer 

The Fixer and Rescuer is the inner helper who loves to focus on what is wrong with everyone else and then gets you to spend all your energy and time helping others. She convinces you that what you are doing is the only choice you could make. She makes you sacrifice yourself in the name of helping others.
Fixer and Rescuer Instant De-Activator: Practice a radical act of self-care. Ask yourself, “What do I need today?” and do that something just for you! (See page 18 in the Reform Your Inner Mean Girl book for more.)


The Perfectionist is the highly critical and often harsh, picky, or sharp critical inner authority figure whose job is to point out everything you’re doing wrong or that doesn’t measure up to her perfectionist standards. She makes you procrastinate, give more energy and time to a project than is necessary, and obsess over the smallest details that don’t matter.
Perfectionist Instant De-Activator: Instead of going for the A+ on a lower priority project (like dishes or an email to your best friend), go for the B-! Ask yourself, “What would good enough look like?” or "What would an average person do?" and just do that. (See page 30 in the Reform Your Inner Mean Girl book for more.)

Good Girl 

The Good Girl is an inner people pleaser who is desperately afraid that no one will like her or love her if she doesn’t do what people expect of her or if she doesn’t give to others before she takes care of herself. She makes you give more time, money, and energy than you have to give and she stifles your true feelings and emotions.
Good Girl Instant De-Activator: Say “NO!”. Respond “No, thank you” or “No, I can’t” to at least one request today and notice how the world didn't fall apart! (See page 20 in the Reform Your Inner Mean Girl book for more.)

Overly Optimistic, Partying Cheerleader 

The Overly Optimistic, Partying Cheerleader is the one who tells you that everything will work out for you, even if you are about to dive headfirst into a self-sabotaging choice. Her job is to make you feel good and happy in the moment, consequences be damned—it’s all about instant gratification. She cajoles you into making choices you later regret.
Overly Optimistic Partying Cheerleader Instant De-Activator: Feel. Instead of trying to escape your feelings or hard truth, stop, sit down, and ask yourself, “What feeling am I trying to avoid?” Let yourself have the feeling and watch possibilities open up. (See page 28 in the Reform Your Inner Mean Girl book for more.) "