Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Michigan, Where Some People Are Just Too Nice

While one small part of Michigan is quite properly described as Hell, in the not all that nearby city of Grand Rapids, it seems the biggest problem the city officials have to deal with is people being too nice. Too polite. Too generous. Instead of dumping used items like the sink that didn't go with the new decor, or the saggy sofa whose perfectly good frame somebody could always reupholster, in landfills, or beside dumpsters, or on the street corner, or on the sidewalk for the garbage crew to haul away...these nice people in Grand Rapids are setting up collection bins so charitable organizations can refurbish and sell their discarded furniture for good causes.

And that just bugs the livin' daylights out of the rest of the city,'cos Michiganians are supposed to be like wolverines, they have a reputation to maintain, and all this orderly, kindhearted, private recycling--good causes, private property--is causing certain residents of Grand Rapids to look like Canadians or hillbillies or some such thing, and the others Will Not Have That.

Right. That's not the exact wording Becket Adams quotes. You have to read between the lines.


Do we have any readers in Michigan? (Oh come onnn, she whines, we've given'em so much free publicity, we ought to be getting comments from Hell.) If we do...don't say I've insulted you. The city of Grand Rapids has insulted you. Please send them complaints. Please fill their e-mail, pack their mailboxes, and jam their phone lines. And please offer the nice people of Grand Rapids a selection of alternative sites where they may "recycle" old furniture.