Sandy Relief: Challenge for Republicans (With Kinky Fantasies!)

Still worried about that bad old Fiscal Cliff, Congress voted against using federal disaster funds for a proposed "Sandy Relief" bill that promised to help hurricane survivors in New York and New Jersey. Some of them. Somewhat. Apparently the perception was that the bill would've helped greedheads more than actual hurricane survivors.

Madeleine Morgenstern shares quotes and pictures of Republicans angrily denouncing their own party:

http://www.theblaze.com/stories/furious-chris-christie-rips-john-boehner-over-canceled-sandy-vote/

http://www.theblaze.com/stories/angry-republican-rep-peter-king-tells-new-yorkers-not-to-give-money-to-gop-following-no-sandy-vote/

Below the video clips, there are lists of some of the reasons why Republicans voted no to "Sandy Relief."

This web site maintains that New York, where a volunteer relief worker was physically attacked for doubting that New York can bleep-bleep well take care of its bleepin' own...aw, for pity's sake. This web site "refreshes" and thinks about New Jersey.

Glenn Beck achieved a furiously controversial bestseller by stating, in one of his books, that he agreed with former President Grover Cleveland that the federal government should never be asked to do the work of a private charity. (That's not to say that John Boehner, a wealthy man, shouldn't be signing cheques left and right...it's strictly to say that those cheques should not be drawn on taxpayers' money.) Naturally, since Beck is the founder and chief of The Blaze, those two Blaze stories are festooned with snarky comments to the effect that the government shouldn't do disaster relief.

Think not? Maybe not. Maybe in a pure-minded, public-spirited, righteous community such as these Blaze readers undoubtedly think they inhabit, private citizens don't want to give government a chance to do disaster relief. After all, private citizens can, if they choose, get things done so much more efficiently, seeing and addressing so many more of the real problems, and with absolutely no temptation to throw away their money on "pork."

Right. (If you guessed that this is one of the times when I feel aware of not being a Republican, then you're absolutely right.) Republicans, other than King and Christie, got their way. From the viewpoint of pure, abstract fiscal conservatism, I'll even agree with'em. Now I'd like to see them put their money where their flippin' flappin' mouths are.

Backs, too. Come ooonnnn, guys...y'know Morgenstern and I want to see some videos of young, sleek, good-looking Republicans pounding down shingles and hanging doors and all such manly things. I want to see Rick Santorum crawling under somebody's sink. Can Ken Cuccinelli rewire an apartment block? Right, that's a private fantasy I do not necessarily share with owners of frozen-up broken-out sinks in New Jersey, but you must admit...

Fantasies aside...I seriously want to read about, and see, Republicans privately doing better by New York and New Jersey property owners than the federal government can do. Let our left wing know what our right wing doeth, for once. I want to see hurricane survivors waving envelopes prominently marked "From the [Name of Area] Republican Party," pulling cheques out of them. I want to read about the hurricane survivors our Republicans have "adopted." (Hello, Congressman Griffith.) I want all my favorite conservative pages to discuss exactly what remains to be done in the hurricane strike zone, and who's doing it with his or her own private funds, or which group funds are being created for it. I want to see persistent hurricane damage addressed on Fundly, Chip In, and Indiegogo.

You don't want to pay into a federal disaster fund? Cool. I don't either. Nor do I think our federal government can afford to do much of anything but pay down its existing debt--in principle. So I repeat, put your money where your mouth is.

I don't have any money. Right. Send me some. I will rent a van, a video camera, and some Republicans with proven reconstruction and renovation skills, and you can all see live video footage of well-preserved co-ed fiscal conservatives in tight jeans, crawling under sinks, pumping out toilets, I mean, name your kinks, you fund it, we'll do it. And people outside the family think we all look decent in tight jeans, too.

But if we're going to say the federal government shouldn't be doing charity work...put your money where your mouth is!